“The love of a family is life's greatest blessing”
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Letting Go of Grief
Grief is an emotion that can lodge in the body tissues and the spirit. Although we usually think of grief as having to do with loss of a loved one or something highly valued like a job, grief can take less recognizable forms. Some common underlying sources of grief are mourning of one's own lost childhood, mourning lost opportunity, mourning the loss of good health and mourning the loss of innocence. One thing that is worth noting is that it is possible to hold grief for something one never actually possessed, but longed for. Long after the causative event that lodged, grief still exacts a price.
Grief can affect those who carry it in several ways. It causes the heart to be shut down and removed from life. This has a negative impact on relationships. Deep internal sadness prevents healthy empathetic connection. It also reduces the capacity to enjoy life and can result in depression. In addition it robs motivation and well being. Many people report that it's effects, sometimes only recognized in retrospect are exhausting. Deepak Chopra talks about how grief and asbestos can both affect the body in similar ways at the quantum level. It is literally a heavy dense energy held in the heart lungs, and ribs.
Many people can feel the grief as physical sensations. The symptoms most often associated with grief are heaviness in the chest, frequent sighing, and feelings of deadness in the heart region. Other signs can be painful inflexible ribs, a lump or tightness in the throat and shoulders hunched protectively forward to protect the heart. This results in postural changes as well. Frequent lung problems can also be traced to stored grief.
If you recognize that you are holding grief there is much you can do. First you can try lying down and gently relaxing. Then focus on the physical region of the chest. Notice how the heart feels. Is it heavy or light? Does it feel intact? Is part of it sagging or feeling thick and tired? Notice as you tune in what feelings and issues surface. Pay attention to any memories that come up for you. Notice themes that might unify emerging information. Ask your inner being to help in this process.
This process will often stimulate emotion to start moving. People often get stuck in grief because they feel they have already cried enough. Yet sometimes deep grief is expressed in wracking sobs that originate in the solar plexus region. It's as if the deepest expression of it allows for release, and milder expressions may actual keep emotion stuck and recycling. The deeper releases come more easily when breath is involved. Breathing deeply in and out without a pause between the in and the out will often flush the feelings.
There are several aids to this process that can be employed. The first is to simply put a small, hard pillow between the shoulder blades and feel the pressure gently opening the chest from behind as you lie on the floor. Another aid is flower essences, a vibrational remedy. A carefully blended grief formula can be taken over a period of time which is ideal, or only when working with the feelings. This releases the congested emotional energy that really comprises the block.
Music can be of powerful assistance in releasing grief. Piano, harp, violin, and cello all stimulate the heart. Many people find the album Somewhere in Time to be perfect. Also effective is anything by Ray Lynch, particularly No Blue Thing and Deep Breakfast. If you know a certain piece affects you by bringing up tears, you can tape it a number of times in a row and use that. With music the rule of thumb is whatever moves you.
Many people who carry great grief can benefit from Somatics exercises for breathing. The ribs tend to function as a unit when the body is held in ways that reduce awareness of grief. Yet, in reality the bottom ribs are supposed to move independently in order to accommodate internal organs when crunching and twisting. Additional benefits from the Somatics exercises include calmness and feelings of well being. The Somatics tape entitled Calm and Energize will open things up in the chest.
If themes or memories do come up its best to adopt the attitude that what comes up is relevant to your life as well as your grief. Themes often tell us where we are stuck. If for example a theme is feeling abused by others, consider what might change that pattern. It might be recognizing that others are reflecting your own disregard for self or it might mean you need to take better care of yourself when it comes to setting boundaries. Sometimes self forgiveness is what is called for, this is particularly common around death and loss. Guilt about unfinished business can easily result in grief. If you can learn the lesson you will be less likely to repeat the same pattern, the grief will be less likely to lodge and negatively impact you again.
A final note is that in our culture tissues have become a subtle cue that shuts down the process of weeping. It's best not to resort to tissues until the release is well under way.
If flower essences are used for a period of time they may cause teariness to spontaneous erupt throughout your day and week. It is best not to try to stop the process. One way to assist the process is to avoid suppressing sound. Another is to notice how you tighten the throat and eyes in order to suppress emotional expression of grief. This can be reversed by softening the tense parts and allowing gasps, strangled sounds or whatever needs to move. The deepest kinds of grief have a wracking quality and are accompanied by a wailing sound. Whenever releasing it pays to breathe, allow, express and let go.
A powerful release of grief can change your whole view point. You might feel lighter, freer, more optimistic and loving. That is because the heart freed from constriction can energetically open again. That kind of opening is characterized by feelings of well being, connectedness and wholeness. All of the tools mentioned in this piece are available at LightSeed.com. May you find your own grief relief !!
Grief can affect those who carry it in several ways. It causes the heart to be shut down and removed from life. This has a negative impact on relationships. Deep internal sadness prevents healthy empathetic connection. It also reduces the capacity to enjoy life and can result in depression. In addition it robs motivation and well being. Many people report that it's effects, sometimes only recognized in retrospect are exhausting. Deepak Chopra talks about how grief and asbestos can both affect the body in similar ways at the quantum level. It is literally a heavy dense energy held in the heart lungs, and ribs.
Many people can feel the grief as physical sensations. The symptoms most often associated with grief are heaviness in the chest, frequent sighing, and feelings of deadness in the heart region. Other signs can be painful inflexible ribs, a lump or tightness in the throat and shoulders hunched protectively forward to protect the heart. This results in postural changes as well. Frequent lung problems can also be traced to stored grief.
If you recognize that you are holding grief there is much you can do. First you can try lying down and gently relaxing. Then focus on the physical region of the chest. Notice how the heart feels. Is it heavy or light? Does it feel intact? Is part of it sagging or feeling thick and tired? Notice as you tune in what feelings and issues surface. Pay attention to any memories that come up for you. Notice themes that might unify emerging information. Ask your inner being to help in this process.
This process will often stimulate emotion to start moving. People often get stuck in grief because they feel they have already cried enough. Yet sometimes deep grief is expressed in wracking sobs that originate in the solar plexus region. It's as if the deepest expression of it allows for release, and milder expressions may actual keep emotion stuck and recycling. The deeper releases come more easily when breath is involved. Breathing deeply in and out without a pause between the in and the out will often flush the feelings.
There are several aids to this process that can be employed. The first is to simply put a small, hard pillow between the shoulder blades and feel the pressure gently opening the chest from behind as you lie on the floor. Another aid is flower essences, a vibrational remedy. A carefully blended grief formula can be taken over a period of time which is ideal, or only when working with the feelings. This releases the congested emotional energy that really comprises the block.
Music can be of powerful assistance in releasing grief. Piano, harp, violin, and cello all stimulate the heart. Many people find the album Somewhere in Time to be perfect. Also effective is anything by Ray Lynch, particularly No Blue Thing and Deep Breakfast. If you know a certain piece affects you by bringing up tears, you can tape it a number of times in a row and use that. With music the rule of thumb is whatever moves you.
Many people who carry great grief can benefit from Somatics exercises for breathing. The ribs tend to function as a unit when the body is held in ways that reduce awareness of grief. Yet, in reality the bottom ribs are supposed to move independently in order to accommodate internal organs when crunching and twisting. Additional benefits from the Somatics exercises include calmness and feelings of well being. The Somatics tape entitled Calm and Energize will open things up in the chest.
If themes or memories do come up its best to adopt the attitude that what comes up is relevant to your life as well as your grief. Themes often tell us where we are stuck. If for example a theme is feeling abused by others, consider what might change that pattern. It might be recognizing that others are reflecting your own disregard for self or it might mean you need to take better care of yourself when it comes to setting boundaries. Sometimes self forgiveness is what is called for, this is particularly common around death and loss. Guilt about unfinished business can easily result in grief. If you can learn the lesson you will be less likely to repeat the same pattern, the grief will be less likely to lodge and negatively impact you again.
A final note is that in our culture tissues have become a subtle cue that shuts down the process of weeping. It's best not to resort to tissues until the release is well under way.
If flower essences are used for a period of time they may cause teariness to spontaneous erupt throughout your day and week. It is best not to try to stop the process. One way to assist the process is to avoid suppressing sound. Another is to notice how you tighten the throat and eyes in order to suppress emotional expression of grief. This can be reversed by softening the tense parts and allowing gasps, strangled sounds or whatever needs to move. The deepest kinds of grief have a wracking quality and are accompanied by a wailing sound. Whenever releasing it pays to breathe, allow, express and let go.
A powerful release of grief can change your whole view point. You might feel lighter, freer, more optimistic and loving. That is because the heart freed from constriction can energetically open again. That kind of opening is characterized by feelings of well being, connectedness and wholeness. All of the tools mentioned in this piece are available at LightSeed.com. May you find your own grief relief !!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Girls Day!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Walk Around Murray Hill Pond
  |
| Enjoying a nice evening around the Murray Hill Pond after having dinner at Ruby Tuesdays! |
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
A friend posted this today on facebook...it brought tears to my eyes...
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Gorgeous Outing to Mt. Hood
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)